Doctor, my eyes

I was looking at clips on Youtube a few moments ago, and misread a label, or was misled by one, and saw something that upset me profoundly. It doesn't matter what it was. The clip made my temperature soar, my heart rate speed up, and my breathing become quick and shallow. Then I felt nauseated, and a little faint.

Something I saw for just a moment on my small screen, and heard, tiny and tinny through my laptop's speakers, affected my body that much, and that fast, even though I knew it to be just a manipulated image on a screen. My fine mind knew that very well. But my body and spirit were far more perceptive, and knew it was something to get away from, fast.

Suddenly, there is new meaning for me in the practice of "custody of the eyes". I always thought it meant not allowing the eyes to dwell on what might be "occasions of sin" (such an efficient, all-encompassing little phrase). Ladies, be not immodest with your glances. That kind of thing.

But today, in the wake of this incident, I am thinking more deeply about the word custody, which is defined as guardianship and protective care. The eyes are the windows of the soul, it's said. Light and dark travel through windows in both directions. I should take greater care of these windows.

I don't mean I can shut my eyes to what is going on in the world. That would be irresponsible. I do not choose to bow out of our shared troubles and joys. Nor am I certain that what I saw would upset everybody (though I think it should). But I am going to exercise a little more protective care when choosing to be entertained by Youtube, films, with what I read, and what I dwell on. I want to keep the glass in my windows clear of crud, so that I can see true light and true dark.

And always know the difference.