Scaring myself

What if you could change one single thing about your life? What would it be?

I thought I knew what I would change when I started this post, and here, not quite three sentences in, I already am losing certainty. What single thing? More money? A flexible neck? Younger feet? A beau? A good dog?

A mission.

I want a mission so clear that I can recognize it every morning even without coffee. So compelling that I don't linger with distractions. And so big that I am pulled out of myself into service. Big, and obvious.

Proclamation is scary. I believe, and at the same time I don't. So of course, help! Help thou my unbelief. And if you can do something about my courage, that would be good, too. I want to really want what I want to really want, which I know that, deep inside, I do really want.

I know some of you know exactly what I mean. Talk to me!